exceptional-y: Could you imagine getting an apartment with the person you love. Falling asleep beside each other, and waking up to see that cute little dopey smile they make when they first get up. You’d never have a bad start to your day, because they’d be the perfect start.
sammyysam: Two can keep a secret, if the entire town is dead.
the-cats-hatter: theserraangel: kiwibutt: teppelin: jesus christ I seriously can’t watch Lion King anymore because Nala is giving Simba bedroom eyes and then it clicks that they’re making their sequel baby SIMBA PUT YOUR LION DICK IN ME, WE NEED TO FRANCHISE THIS SHIT HURRY UP AND HAKUNA MY TATAS I CAN’T HANDLE TUMBLR TONIGHT. HAKUNA MY TATAS
People will kill you over time, and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, harmless...– Dylan Moran (via lustambitions)
64kbps: have you noticed how paradoxical the sentence “stop telling people what to do” is
hungarian: it’d be cool to speak like 20 different languages & keep it a secret from everyone & then during a time of crisis, u could speak some fluent russian to some russian guy holding a gun to your head & all your friends will be like daaamn
[sprays u with water] no, bad opinion
trixietang: if you call yourself ugly, i’m just gonna agree w you got no time to make your ugly ass feel better
shout out to the 90% of my followers that dont like reblog or message me at all but still follow me for some reason
The human brain takes in 11 million bits of information every second, but is...– Qi 1227 facts. (via omniscientraven)
fizzyginger: If Prince Charles’s ringtone isn’t I Just Can’t Wait to be King then what’s the point
christinesinclutch: do you ever just want to scream “NO ONE FUCKING LIKES YOU” in someones face
vivalaausten: greydelisle: The kid behind me at Starbucks got way too excited about the last pumpkin muffin….so I ordered it.
goobsohard: The sexual tension between two people when one of them says “make me”
my parents said to go to bed early it is early in the morning
ejacutastic: when guys talk about how gross periods are i just laugh because guys have a floppy piece of flesh that gets hard and that’s pretty fuckin weird, bucko
dengaleliv: tylerfucklin: can you imagine if someone sent you a list of all the reasons why they love you. why would i want blank paper I laughed
sansaofhousestark: arianne—martell: Every time I think of the black market, I actually imagine a market, with little stalls selling illegal things like nuclear weapons and organs.
(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
“i have so much fucking homework” i whisper to myself while i continue scrolling down my dashboard, hating myself more and more every minute
you-told-me-think-about-it: ohitsjustkim: fairgroundsoldier: 01012012: friendly reminder that after each passing day you are closer to finding your soulmate and your grave and eating your next pizza this sums up all of tumblr
yourbones: somegirlnamedkaitlyn: My dog understands the word “No,” so how are you going to tell me teenage boys don’t know the difference between rape and consent? Nailed it.
beyonces-butt: I hate it when you’ve been really on edge for a while and then you have a breakdown over a little thing and everyone thinks that you’re getting super upset about not washing your hair
llcooljofficial: one time in 7th grade everyone in my class got really quiet so i said “dildo” just to see the ridiculous reaction since i knew how immature 7th graders were for 30 minutes, there was an uncontrollable uproar of laughter and someone fell and hit their head on a chair and had to go to the nurse because i said dildo.
Do you ever just wanna hug someone so tightly to the point where you have absolutely no intentions of ever letting go because you want them to know just how much they mean to you and how much you love them and you just wanna take away all the bad things in their life and replace them with only good things?
urbancatfitters: if ur mean to me i will hold it against u literally forever i will never forget